What will you regret not doing (skydiving)? What will you regret doing (hard drugs)? Ask your future self what you should or shouldn’t have done to help guide your day-to-day decision making.
Category: Perspective
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Maybe, who knows?
Once upon a time there was a farmer whose horse ran away. That evening, all of his neighbors came around to commiserate. They said, “We are so sorry to hear your horse has run away. This is most unfortunate.” The farmer said, “Maybe, who knows?” The next day the horse came back bringing seven wild horses with it, and in the evening everybody came back and said, “Oh, isn’t that lucky. What a great turn of events. You now have eight horses!” The farmer again said, “Maybe, who knows?” The following day his son tried to break one of the horses, and while riding it, he was thrown and broke his leg. The neighbors then said, “Oh dear, that’s too bad,” and the farmer responded, “Maybe, who knows?” The next day the military officers came around to conscript people into the army, and they rejected his son because he had a broken leg. Again all the neighbors came around and said, “Isn’t that great!” Again, he said, “Maybe, who knows?”
Most of the time, it’s next to impossible to know whether something that happens to you is actually a good or a bad thing. “Disasters” might actually become blessings in disguise and winning the lottery might actually be the worst thing to happen to you. It’s hard to know in real time whether something is truly good or bad. As a result, it’s best to keep an open mind and an even keel.
When I was applying to colleges, I had my heart set on attending one of the military academies. Being a great combination of academics, athletics, and leadership, I could not imagine a better fit for me. It’s not trivial to get into a military academy. In addition to the written application, you have to get a congressional nomination from a U.S. senator or representative. You also have to complete a physical fitness test and medical examination. I got everything in order and was fortunate to receive two congressional nominations. My dad was in the Air Force so it was only natural that I looked there first. They reviewed my application and rejected me. Go figure. The Navy wouldn’t even look at the application due to my color blindness. But then I got accepted by Westpoint. I had my heart set on it, and I thought it was my destiny. You can imagine my level of excitement. I was finishing high school and getting geared up for an early start at summer boot camp, which started in June. Then, out of the blue, just over a month before I was supposed to move to Westpoint, I got a call from admissions. They reviewed my medical report and somehow overlooked the fact that I am red-green color blind. They concluded that I could not join the Army after all and pulled my offer letter. At this point, I had already declined all other college offers. I called up Tulane and asked if it was still possible to attend even though I had declined. Fortunately they would still have me and the rest is history.
Put yourself in my shoes in that moment and imagine how devastating that news was to me. You may be surprised to hear that this was one of the luckiest things that ever happened to me. I don’t think anything about my life would be what it is today if it hadn’t been for this medical disqualification. For me, it was a great lesson that much of the time what seems bad at the time might actually turn out to be the best thing to ever happen to you.
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Extreme Ownership
Develop the mindset of extreme ownership, that you own everything in your world. You are ultimately responsible for what happens in your world. If your relationship isn’t working out, what did you or can you do to fix it? If you aren’t making progress towards your goals, how can you fix it? Have you done everything you can to improve it?
When you have this mindset, you become unstoppable because you are constantly searching for how you can become better or improve your world. It also means you have to become ultimately accountable because there is no one else to blame.
But perhaps more importantly, you also become happier. By taking extreme ownership, you preclude the possibility of becoming a victim of circumstance. Nothing escapes your control because one way or another you own it and therefore can work to improve it. As a result, extreme ownership can be a key to happiness and fulfillment.
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Life is About Balance
If you become a disciplined person, your discipline can dominate your mindset. In turn, this will lead you to feel guilty any time you deviate from your own standards or expectations. If you decide to get super fit and live a healthy life, any indulgence can riddle you with guilt. This guilt has the tendency to completely override any satisfaction that you might take from eating a piece of cholate cake (or whatever your guilty pleasure is). The same with finances. If you choose to save and live a frugal life, then spending money can bring a lot of feelings of guilt.
But life isn’t about scrimping and saving every penny, or ensuring every calorie you eat is as nutritious as possible. Life is about being satisfied, fulfilled and happy. I have observed that the best path to this is to be disciplined and hold yourself to a high standard, but to also be able to suspend this discipline so you can indulge in the finer things in life also.
Don’t be too disciplined. Don’t indulge too much. The right answer is a healthy balance between the two.
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Assume the Best
Give people the benefit of the doubt and assume the best. Fundamental attribution error – we are usually quick to assume the person is the problem, not their situation. But it is usually their situation or circumstance that causes people to act badly. Maybe they’re having a bad day, maybe they lost someone or maybe they aren’t happy for some reason. Chances are, something is going wrong in their life and they are just taking it out on you. So it’s not about you and nothing to take personally or let drag you down.
But don’t be naïve. There are bad people out there. In general, however, most people are good and there are many more good people than bad people. After all, how can we have a society like this if most people aren’t good??
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The MBA & the Fisherman
An MBA student graduates and decides to celebrate with a trip to a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman pulled in and docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The MBA complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied, “Only a little while, senor.” The MBA then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish. The Mexican said he this is all he needs to feed his family. The MBA then asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”
The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria. And I stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.” The MBA scoffed, “I got my MBA and I can help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds you can buy a bigger boat. With the money you make you can buy several boats and eventually you will have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution.”
“And what then, senor?” asked the fisherman.
“Well, then you would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”
The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”
To which the MBA replied, “I’m not going to lie to you. It’s not quick. It will probably take 15 to 20 years.”
“But what then, senor?” asked the Mexican.
The MBA laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich—you would make millions!”
“Millions – then what, senor?”
The MBA said, “Then you could retire, move to a small coastal fishing village where you could sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”