Fight the fights that are worth fighting. Don’t fight just to fight, and don’t put yourself out there for something that’s not worth it. This applies to everything in life – business, friends, family. With friends and family, very often there is something that you kind of want but the other person really wants. You want the living room to be organized in a certain way and the other person wants it completely different. If you don’t care that much, then it’s a fight that’s not worth fighting. If you care strongly about something then you should advocate for it. But if you don’t care, and it’s better to preserve the relationship then let the other person win.
Category: Happiness
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Stories You Can Tell
Life moves quickly. Years can slip by unnoticed. Unless you are consciously pushing yourself, you may find with regret that you have squandered some of the best years of your life.
I try to imagine myself at 80, hanging out with my grandkids. What stories will I tell? What life did I live? Imagining that makes me want to take advantage of the time I have now as a younger man to live the life that’s worth telling in the future.
A slightly different idea in the same vein: I have a recurring reminder on my calendar: Goal setting for what it will make of you to achieve it. Set your goals big so the journey improves
Don’t let the years go by in unremarkable routine. Do crazy things. Take risks. Have fun. Make memories. Create stories. Life your life so you have great stories that you’re proud of in the end.
Here are some good quotes capturing this idea:
“The memories of a man in his old age; Are the deeds of a man in his prime.” – Roger Waters, Pink Floyd
“If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead, either write something worth reading or do things worth writing.” – Benjamin Franklin
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Social Media
Some sage advice on social media and the distraction of phones:
Even if you have social media and a phone — especially if you have social media and a phone — the most important thing is to learn to have yourself as a best friend. You need to be able to be happy and confident in yourself. You also need to be comfortable sitting alone in a dark room with your thoughts should be OK being alone without distraction of a phone for more than 30 minutes. -
The Wealth Paradox
This is an interesting phenomenon that I know happens in young men’s brains. I doubt it happens to such an extreme with young women, but I will let you be the judge.
I call it the wealth paradox. When you are young, there are so many things you could imagine doing if you had money. Big fancy homes, expensive cars… lots of bling designed to impress other people. This desire for wealth drives people to work hard and accomplish much so they can earn a lot of money to pay for these things. What’s interesting is unless you are very lucky or very good, it will take decades to make the kind of money that allows you to make super extravagant purchases. As those decades pass, the motivations you had in the early days fade and your priorities in life shift.
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Pop Pop
[vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom” bg_image_animation=”none”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_link_target=”_self” column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_width_inherit=”default” tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid” bg_image_animation=”none”][vc_column_text]Pop Pop was my grandfather, and he was one of the biggest influences in my life.
He was always there for me. He spent a lot of time with me. He always advised me and helped as much as he could. And he always believed in me.
I have so many stories about him that I’m not sure where to start:
- Always shook my hand and squeezed HARD! He could aways out-squeeze me until I got to college…
- He was quite a lucky man. He always seemed to be the guy to win the raffle or catch the foul ball. One time he took me on a road trip to Corpus Cristi for a deep sea fishing trip. I was motion sick for most of the trip, and he caught the biggest fish and won something like $1000 along with it. I still have the foul ball he caught at a Phillies game signed by Chico Ruiz.
- Laughing was his super power. He was always laughing and telling great jokes. He could literally entertain a party for the better part of 45 minutes with one joke after another. He did this with my new in-laws when Lily and I first got married. He was on fire, entertaining everyone with the best jokes.
- I was struggling with baseball and he was the first person to realize that my eyes were bad. We went to the optometrist and sure enough – I needed glasses.
- When I was 8 or 9 playing basketball, he signed me up for a basketball camp. Then he showed me how to get inside and throw elbows at the opposing players!
- He was always changing things up in his life. He would get a new car every few years. He would grow his hair out, grow his beard out, etc.
- He went skydiving when he turned 80 years old!
- Dogs always had an extraordinary amount of affection for him.
- We had a great COVID road trip back to ABQ from FL.
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Say “Yes”
There’s a funny movie with Jim Carrey where he has to say “Yes” to everything for a month. He did this as an experiment because he was always saying no to everyone and living a generally miserable life. While saying “no” does not mean you will be miserable, it also cuts you off to a lot of excitement in life. I can’t remember a single exciting thing that happened in my life by saying “no” and sitting home on the couch. All of my best memories are from saying “yes.” This can be something as simple as a night out with friends that takes a wild turn or an around-the-world trip. It all starts with “Yes!”
With that said, you have to be careful what you commit to and it’s way too easy to get overcommitted on a million things and you don’t have time to breathe. This is also critical, and the art and science of saying Yes or No is something we can explore together later…
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Baba Abdul
Baba Abdul has taught me many things. We were talking over dinner last night and he talked about two great lessons that I think are important to share with you.
First, it is impossible to know when something happens to you if it will be a good thing or a bad thing. Something may happen to you that, in your mind, is the worst thing that could possibly happen. For example, you don’t get that dream job offer or your boyfriend/girlfriend that you thought you were going to marry breaks up with you. But that terrible event may turn out to be one of the best things that ever happens to you. You simply don’t know the full story and as a result, there’s no way for you to accurately judge if the event was good or bad. It’s equivalent to a caterpillar landing onto a leaf and thinking “oh I’m so lucky!” But on the other end of that leaf is a bird who’s about to devour his next meal. You only see the events of your life through binoculars that are narrowly focused on one scene. But once you zoom out, the “good” or “bad” actually becomes evident. It is impossible to predict in advance or even at the time that it happens. As a result, it’s best to keep an even keel and open mind.
Second, you should live your life and make decisions with no regrets. What Baba Abdul means by this is you should make the decision today that you will not live to regret in 10 or 20 years. Imagine yourself 10 years in the future, and your future self is looking back on the decision you are about to make today. Will you be happy with your decision? Or will you regret making the wrong decision? Make the decision you won’t regret.
Some examples of things you may regret include when you take shortcuts, don’t do things to the best of your ability, hurt someone else, or do something that you know in your heart is not right. Make the decision today that will let you be happy with yourself in the future. Yes, it may be the harder decision to make today. But when you compare this short-term sacrifice to the regret and anguish in the long term, it makes today’s hard decisions much easier.
Other things your mom and I have learned from Baba Abdul:
- Be open minded and don’t judge people
- Times change, and you have to change with them
- When you read things in the news, you don’t really have the full picture so don’t have too much conviction in your opinion or belief
- There are three important things to have a good, healthy life: eat well, sleep well, and exercise.
- Don’t marry a musician, a mullah, or an actor
- Never let anyone push you around
- Be fair and reasonable, but when someone starts to want more than their fair share or gets poroo, tell them to beat it.
- You need to invest time in your kids and family. That will be your most proud accomplishment.
- You can learn from anyone, at any age. I remember baba used to tell me when I was a kid “I learn a lot from you.”
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Always, Your Mimi
Dear kids,
I’ve been wanting to share some thoughts about things that have made (my) life beautiful because some of them are simple yet able to help you feel amazingly happy and peaceful, or even sometimes excited, when things get tough.
I have only to look into my earliest memories to see pictures that have attached themselves inside of me and carried me forward through many challenges. So many wonders that have made a difference…
Sing, hum, find your passion, and abandon yourself fully to the power & beauty of art that surrounds you—music, paintings, sculpture, buildings, gardens, stories and more…
Laugh at anything silly that lightens your heart, especially when shared with a special friend…
Take time to listen to someone you really care about so deeply that you realize, in that moment, that nothing else matters and your own troubles are small…
Look around you and find something that brings you JOY, a smile, and a sense of wonder…
For me, it’s the simple but profound things that touch and move me forward… a sunset, a sky sparkling with stars, my dog’s eyes looking into and trusting mine, sitting with friends around a campfire—or anywhere, really, and fireflies lighting the summer nights like blips of warm light.
Treasure the special moments and people that help make you YOU, and you will light the world brighter than anything you can imagine!
Always,
Your Mimi
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Jim Collins’ Top 10
Suggestions for a good life from Jim Collins, a leading business thinker.
- Build a personal board of directors. Don’t populate thos board based on accomplishment, but on character and values you want to emulate.
- Turn off your electronics–not for others but for yourself. Down time and white space gives you time to think. You need the quiet to think.
- Work on your three circles. What are you passionate about? What are you genetically coded for? What could you do that would be useful to society? Study yourself like a bug. Get input from others around you.
- What is your questions-to-statements ratio? Can you double it, so you are asking way more questions than making statements?
- Suppose you wake up tomorrow to learn that you suddently have $20M and that you only have 10 years to live. What would you stop doing immediately? Maybe you should stop doing that anyway.
- Start your stop doing list. Be clear about what to stop doing.
- Unplug everything that’s just a distraction.
- Find something that you have so much passion for that you will be able to endure the pain to make something great.
- Take the time to clarify your personal values.
- Prepare to live a life where at 65 you feel that you are only 1/3 through the work.
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Low Overhead = Low Stress
Low overhead = low stress
Low overhead also = more optionality for you to take risks.