Month: March 2023

  • Observe Your Judgements

    Observe Your Judgements

    As I have thought about my own psychology, I realized how quick I am to judge other people or situations. I have found it’s so easy to judge another if they do something that I wouldn’t do or their level of work is not up to my standards.

    Another realization I have come to is this type of judgment is counter-productive. What good does it do to harbor negative feelings someone else? Realizing that it only creates negative energy within me, I have created a daily reminder in my calendar: Observe and let go of your judgements.

    It’s easy to subconsciously judge others without even realizing it. So I made this a daily reminder in an attempt to become more self aware. The ultimate goal is to immediately release any judgement the moment I catch myself doing it.

  • The Long Arc of Your Life

    The Long Arc of Your Life

    As you make decisions day-to-day, it’s easy to get lost in the details and miss the Forrest for the trees. As big decisions come up, try to put them in the context of the long arc of your life. Looking back on your life at 80, will it all make sense? Will it have a logic and progression to it?

  • Arguments & Emotions

    Arguments & Emotions

    Emotions have a funny way of distorting reality. There is a lot to write about this. For now, I want to focus on the emotional side of arguments.
    When you get into an argument with someone close to you, emotions immediately flare. Studies show that men get a lot more emotional in arguments than women do. Regardless, emotions flare for everyone, and one big consequence of this is things get blown out of proportion. A small disagreement over something trivial blow up into an all-out, no-holds-barred brawl. How this happens is worth closely examining for yourself in terms of triggers and chains of reaction. Mastering this will help you protect your closest relationships.
    I have noticed something funny about these kinds of trivial arguments that have blown up into a big ordeal. A few months after the argument, I can almost never remember why we were arguing in the first place. I remember the intensity of the argument or adrenaline flowing, but not specifically what upset me. Maybe it’s just me, but hopefully it is you too. I say that because it has really helped me put things into context. I may be feeling strongly about something that could blow up into an argument. When a big argument is start to flare up, it has helped me de-escalate to realize that I am going to forget what this was all about in a few months anyway. If I am going to forget, what’s the point of getting all worked up about it today? It it really is something trivial, let it go.
    Don’t get too hung up on arguments. You won’t remember what you were arguing about in a year anyway.
  • Baba Abdul

    Baba Abdul

    Baba Abdul has taught me many things. We were talking over dinner last night and he talked about two great lessons that I think are important to share with you.

    First, it is impossible to know when something happens to you if it will be a good thing or a bad thing. Something may happen to you that, in your mind, is the worst thing that could possibly happen. For example, you don’t get that dream job offer or your boyfriend/girlfriend that you thought you were going to marry breaks up with you. But that terrible event may turn out to be one of the best things that ever happens to you. You simply don’t know the full story and as a result, there’s no way for you to accurately judge if the event was good or bad.  It’s equivalent to a caterpillar landing onto a leaf and thinking “oh I’m so lucky!” But on the other end of that leaf is a bird who’s about to devour his next meal. You only see the events of your life through binoculars that are narrowly focused on one scene. But once you zoom out, the “good” or “bad” actually becomes evident. It is impossible to predict in advance or even at the time that it happens. As a result, it’s best to keep an even keel and open mind.

    Second, you should live your life and make decisions with no regrets. What Baba Abdul means by this is you should make the decision today that you will not live to regret in 10 or 20 years. Imagine yourself 10 years in the future, and your future self is looking back on the decision you are about to make today. Will you be happy with your decision? Or will you regret making the wrong decision? Make the decision you won’t regret.

    Some examples of things you may regret include when you take shortcuts, don’t do things to the best of your ability, hurt someone else, or do something that you know in your heart is not right. Make the decision today that will let you be happy with yourself in the future. Yes, it may be the harder decision to make today. But when you compare this short-term sacrifice to the regret and anguish in the long term, it makes today’s hard decisions much easier.

    Other things your mom and I have learned from Baba Abdul:

    • Be open minded and don’t judge people
    • Times change, and you have to change with them
    • When you read things in the news, you don’t really have the full picture so don’t have too much conviction in your opinion or belief
    • There are three important things to have a good, healthy life: eat well, sleep well, and exercise.
    • Don’t marry a musician, a mullah, or an actor
    • Never let anyone push you around
    • Be fair and reasonable, but when someone starts to want more than their fair share or gets poroo, tell them to beat it.
    • You need to invest time in your kids and family. That will be your most proud accomplishment.
    • You can learn from anyone, at any age. I remember baba used to tell me when I was a kid “I learn a lot from you.”